Soft Proofing

This topic is very hard to research and find information beyond the basics.  I am using C1 21 on an iMac, I-Mac Retina 4k 21.5” late 2015 - Intel iris pro graphics 6200 using spider X Pro to calibrate, shooting raw.  I have calibrated the Mac more times than I care to count each time with different settings.  The issue, I am using the ICC Proofing Profile supplied by Bay Photo and when I soft proof, the images essentially looked, "washed out".  No matter my brightness adjustments, contrast, etc. it always presents that "washed out" look.  I called and emailed Bay Photo, sending screen shots of the histogram, the R G & B actually shift to the right and separate but all I was told to do was calibrate the monitor, kind of felt like I was rushed off to be honest.  I have calibrated during the day, at night, changed the LED bulbs in my office, made sure they were daylight bulbs, 5000k with high CRI ratings.  My current settings on the calibrator are 6500k, 2.2 Gamma and brightness I set to 80.  

I have also am waiting on no color correction and color corrected images from four labs for grins-n-giggles and comparison, maybe find the best lab that fits my configuration.  Bay Photo, Richmond Pro Lab, Costco & a local photography shop that processes on prem.  I am waiting on those before making any other drastic changes but if anyone has any suggestions for something to review, I would appreciate it ...

I know this was long but I appreciate the patience,

Tom